Why so startled, octopus?

C’est moi!

In terms of social justice, I was a late bloomer. Not that I ever believed in hatred or discrimination – just that I was so ignorant that I couldn’t see discrimination even when it was right in front of my face. Even when it was perpetrated against me. Even when I perpetrated it against others. As people say in safe spaces, intent is not a magic wand that makes everything better.

I am startled because every day I find new and disgusting ways that human beings do mental, physical and emotional violence to one another. I am an octopus because I feel I need at least eight arms to fight all the battles I want to fight.

For the record, I’m a white cis woman, bisexual, a nontraditional and anti-hierarchical Buddhist, a feminist, an egalitarian, raised upper middle class and doing okay at the moment, though planning for being broke and unemployed in a few months, college educated, and a world traveler.

Comment Policy

I reserve the right to edit or delete any comment posted on my blog without explanation for any reason.

To engage in comments here:

  • Use trigger warnings. When in doubt about triggering potential of material, err on the side of caution. You may also use content warnings for milder material and TMI warnings if you want to.
  • Converse in good faith. If you disagree with someone, do not accuse hir of trying to upset you. People who genuinely are trying to upset you will be banned by me.
  • Offer information that may change someone’s mind, instead of linguistically trying to dominate hir. Do not claim statistics without citations and realize that your personal experiences may not be representative of all humans.
  • Use language that does not smear entire groups of people (except assholes, bigots and the prejudiced, of course. Feel free to swear at them)
  • Say what you really mean. Passive-aggressive behaviors are my biggest trigger, and will been aggressively rooted out.
  • Educate yourself. If someone offers you a link to more information, check it out. Search for keywords. Read linked articles relevant to the post. Look up words you don’t know. If you still can’t figure it out, then and only then ask. It not my job or the jobs of other commenters to continually answer the same 101 questions.
  • Respect that others may not always agree with you. This does not mean you or they are wrong.
  • Respond politely, thoughtfully, and open-mindedly (with a willingness to acknowledge that you were wrong) when people ask you to reconsider or change your language or modulate your tone.

You will be banned if you engage in:

  • threats
  • name calling
  • trolling
  • passive aggressive behavior
  • repeated and egregious misuse of or refusal to provide statistics to back up a claim
  • discriminatory speech (gendered, ableist, racist, homobigoted, transbigoted, or other prejudicial terms included)
  • defense of an indefensible position (see last bullet point of previous list)

As I have written elsewhere, I want my blog to be a safe a space as possible. If I ask you politely to change some wording or refrain from a line of argument, I am doing it for a reason. Please respect that and respect others.

Finally, please respect me and my engagement with you in good faith. I have been wrong, as you can see clearly on my blog. I will be wrong again. I will not erase those errors, and periodically I will address them. Feel free to call me out, send me links, or disagree with me. Just know this: more aggressive your tone, the less likely I will care what you have to say. I am not a submissive person in the slightest and linguistic muscling tactics will only get my hackles up. Assume that I made a good faith error and write to me as such, and there is a very good chance I will change my mind.

Contact me

Got a hot topic you’d like me to write about? Disagree with me but would like to keep it private? Want to send some interesting information my way?


(Ssssshhh, I’ve had this email for ten years now, it’s not what I would choose at the moment…)



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